The Increasing Chances of a 'Want'

In a previous post, I talked about an old friend and her girlfriend. And in another one of my posts, I talked about my ideal/perfect girl. I guess I should've made a point about how my friend's girlfriend closely fits the criteria stated within my ideal/perfect girl post.

For the purpose of making this understandable, I'll get into the back story for a bit. But I'll do it in a brief way.

I dated a girl back when I was 14.

We broke up after a few months and didn't talk to each other for a few years. September, 2011 comes around, and a friend of hers tells me she wanted to talk to me, so she gave me her number. I'm thinking: ok, cool.

After a few days of talking, we practically become good friends. To the sense that she becomes my girlbestfriend type of thing.

One day, she asks me what I plan to do after high school. And I tell her about the college I plan to go to. She's surprised. "OMG! My girlfriend goes there!". At the time, I was pretty much like "What the-. You have a girlfriend? You're a lesbian?".

I told her I had to go to the college for my interview, and she then brought up the idea that her girlfriend could give me a lift home. Her girlfriend agreed. I did my interview and waited for her class to finish. The ride home was about 30-40 minutes. And that consisted of talking (obviously). As we talk, I realised, this girl is practically my ideal girl. She plays games. She dances. She has a boyish style of fashion. She's boyish in general. And her personality is awesome.

Of course, I have standards and I know my limits. She is already taken. By a best friend too. She's out of play.

Two months later, shit happens between my girlbestfriend and I. To put it briefly, we're now enemies.

2012 comes around and I'm well underway in my course. And you can pretty much assume that I get to see my ex-girl-bestfriend's girlfriend (such a long acknowledgment). Yes. I still have standards now. So I know what parameters I'm held in. I catch my ex-girlbestfriend on Skype one day and I decide to talk to her. She got really pissed off. How did I know? Her friend came up to me on Skype and said "I think you should stop talking to her and anyone related to her." Of course she was referring to her girlfriend that I got to see at College. She told me I was also apparently causing shit between them.

.   .   .

I saw my ex-girlbestfriend's girlfriend today. She comes up and gives me a hug (that's how we usually greet each other), though I notice she holds on a tad longer. Something is different about her. Her eyes are reddening. They appear watery. She looked like she was gonna cry at any moment. I ask her about the situation. She insists everything was ok but that her life was in a bit of a mess. We talk while I walk her to her car and said my goodbye.

This is where I start to feel guilty. I start imagining us together and what it would be like. I further reinforce this imagination by thinking about the increasing chances of such a thing happening. The fact that she's going through a rough part in her relationship wasn't helping either. More and more, I thought about the possibilities of 'us' and it was eating me up inside.

Ah. NLP; how you ruin me.